I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
