stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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