I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
