I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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