the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
