Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
