too bad you live with your parents still
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
