Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
