My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
