It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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