Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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