dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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