walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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