found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
