Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
its liver damage thursday
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
