so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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