Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found the puke drawer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
