Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this beer tastes like vomit already
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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