You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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