and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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