i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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