I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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