I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
