You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.