I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.