Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.