i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
