I feel great
I just peed on a car
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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