1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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