Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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