How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
