Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
