birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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