Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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