I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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