It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
