You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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