He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
