At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
