Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
