Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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