Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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