Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We just shotgunned beers for America
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
