whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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