I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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