you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
