I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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