I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
