I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
