We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
