She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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