I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
