yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
