Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
