i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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