You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
