I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
