please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i now understand why vodka
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
