Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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