Umm I'm too high to move.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
