so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize