singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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