You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
