I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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