guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
