how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
