he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im about as happy as oj after his trial
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have feelings that need drinking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
