that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
