I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
