I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
