so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
