I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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