I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...