mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.