That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA