Swine flu. Run for my life!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
