it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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