just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
