Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
