I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
