yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
