Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
