the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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