I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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