At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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