So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
